Update Late 2013
Hi folks
It has been a long time since I blogged. Why? Quite honestly I haven’t felt the urge. In the first place it appeared to be the urge to blog, then the urge to dress ~ or it may have been the other way around.
It seems a little strange to give up something that you have been doing for 10 years, well I had been out to my wife and TG friends for 10 years, a period of gradual realisation of what I am and what I enjoyed; that I actually enjoyed the feminine side of myself. It built up to the extent of gradual acceptance by my wife, of regular social activities alone and with her, at home but also outside the home. Making genuine friends with the tgirl ‘scene’ and their partners.
I have spent many year enjoying this. I have immersed myself in all things cross-dressing. Bought clothes, got my wife on my side and swopped Xmas presents, made friends within the ‘girl’s of like minds, even girls (ie gg’s) of like minds, over the years. I enjoyed the blogging in my early years, I enjoyed the ‘support’ groups I found in the early years of the internet and the social life that it lead to, but I have never really embraced Facebook wholeheartedly let alone twitter.
And then, after all that, to do what? give it up for a short period of time, but then that short period of time builds on itself, like all ‘hobbies’ it is habit forming……… and if you stop dressing, then what happens, does the urge disappear? The urge to blog certainly appears to have diminished!!
What have I done Tina-wise over the last 12 months? I have probably refused more offers to dress than I have actually dressed. Maybe in 12 months I have dressed 10 times, if that. Am I prepared to give it up for ever?
Most ‘friends’ have given up on me or me on them. Friendship needs commitment. And I have found like everything else that unless you can commit to going out every Friday night, or once a month, say 1st Saturday as Transmission used to be, or was it 3rd Wednesday for the sadly missed Fabuliss, that you quickly lose touch. If they as I ‘needed persuading’ to go out then they have gone back into their shell just as I have done.
Or those that are left that really feel the need to get out there all the time, are most likely TS, I’m not saying all by any means but many and then if I don’t feel that need, what am I?
Have I changed, or am I just getting old and boring?
Many that have gone before before me, have had self doubts. I’m a man why am I dressing? Many have felt self loathing. Well I don’t feel that, but I do wonder whether I still feel the ‘need’, whether I will recapture the mood.
Amongst cross dressers as opposed to transsexuals, those that really see themselves as women, there is probably more self doubt. Why am I doing this? Most importantly am I enjoying this. Should I throw out all of my clothes? I mean I have a whole wardrobe in a spare room of a 5 bedroom house. My wife has even questioned whether Tina is to appear again. The funny thing is she is thinking about Christmas, I am thinking about the rest of my life.
As I did more of it, I took great pleasure in removing all body hair. Now it has all grown back. I don’t feel like dressing while I still have all this hair, though once I did. Now I think, occasionally I would like to go home early and dress. Then I think, well I don’t want to do it with all that body hair. But it takes more commitment and pre-planning to first take a couple of hours to remove it. And why am I not out shopping? visiting friends? or just socialising as Tina?
Well I have been busy work wise. And there have been other things that have gone by the wayside like my golf, but is that it?
Could it really be the case that I have found something to replace it, ie work? at a time when I should probably be winding down and thinking about retirement.
We all have aches and pains. But does that really put off the ardent cross-dresser? I know many girls at retirement age that take what they have a stage further….. has my cross-dressing just been a passing urge that has had its time and now passed me by.
I really don’t believe it. They do say it is a life-time passion. Somehow, I can’t believe I don’t want those heels and soft fabrics to flow around my shaved legs again, but who knows?
I wonder how many out there have ever felt as I?
Hugs TinaCortina xx
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About me
Just a friendly tgirl having fun with the feminine side of herself, 30 yrs married and still in love. My wife is my best friend and supports me, within limits ~ but unfortunately she would still choose for her man not to be a trannie. C’est la vie!
Motto: “don’t be afraid to express your feminine side ~ it might be your best feature!”
I also use these blogs to write about my family entirely separate from my musings of a tgirl. These can be found under the Other/ family category.
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HI Tina,
Nice to read your blog again and trust me everyone has doubts about all kinds of things not just you. As we grow and things change in our lives some things become more important or less important but whatever the outcome it will always be a part of us and who we are. Just because priorities change it does not diminish who we are.
The key is to figure out who you are and what is right for you and not worry about what other people think or say. If you need a break from crossdressing, no long feel the need to crossdress or even never crossdress again and that is what is right for you than that is the right thing to do. I myself have gone through different needs of being Susan. I use to love to get dressed up and be at home but now if I am not going out someplace I don’t see the need or desire to dress. Also since I started dating my girlfriend making time for her has also cut into my Susan time which in this case is a good thing.
No one knows what the future holds for us, all we can do is live day by day and be happy
Hugs
Susan
Hi Tina, I’ve ticked that I like you post, but it’s more a tick saying I respect you and your views. Perhaps your friends haven’t given up on you, but are just waiting for Tina to reappear, to get back in action.
The fact that you are worrying about what is happening to you, actually means you are still a cross dresser in your soul. I doubt that work has replaced your cross dressing, rather it’s sapping the life out of you, and leaving no time for cross dressing.
Just hang loose, and be patient, until your life stabilises again, and what ever you do, don’t bin your lovely wardrobe.
Hoping and wishing you find what you want, and that happiness fills your life and soul.
Love and hugs, Anna, x
Just found this. it is from a few years ago. I am not sure where you are now. Just wanted to say, life would be so much easier with out being a crossdresser, hope you are still at a point where you do not feel stress with out dressing. That gives me hope that some day this will fade away. But if you are back to dressing that is okay too. I have come to accept this side of me. I am less worried about who finds out but so far all who have are accepting. I will probably change quickly if I have a negative reaction.
Hi Maggie, thanks for your comment. I am still here, I still think about dressing, I still have the clothes, but it is fading. I think life’s aging process has helped. There was a time when I was relaxed about other people knowing, the kids were aware though it was never a topic of conversation, my wife would certainly have disapproved about anyone knowing. I didn’t feel a need to tell anyone but there was a time when I thought, if that is me then I have nothing to be ashamed of. Now I tend to think it would have caused a lot of angst for a majority of friends and family so I am probably glad it is not more widely known. My wife has said a number of times that I should dress occasionally, certainly more than I do, but I tend to think of it a bit as all (or a lot more) or nothing. Do you write anywhere? Hugs anyway and hope you never encounter a negative reaction x
Similar life. Both my kids know about me but we do not ever discuss it. They have seen the laundry but I do not dress in front of them. You make a valid point with how much trouble would it cause from friends point of view. It will affect them in more than just coming to terms with what (who) I am.
I do not write anywhere on line. I follow a few blogs. Most of which are about crossdressing. I am a contradiction in that I don’t care if someone happens to see me wearing capris and a blouse in the backyard, but worry about being found out on line. I think it is because getting seen wearing clothes in my yard allows me to control when the finding out would happen. On line I would never know when someone might stumbled on my site.