TinaCortina's Blog

Musings of a Tgirl

Bombshell? My girls know about me!

Well Facebook friends may have heard already, but this week’s big news……wait for it………………………………………….

At least two of my 3 grown-up children (my 2 daughters aged 26 and 21 for definite, a son age 28 not sure) know about me, know about my dressing, know my name, and have known for between 6-8 years, which is pretty well most of the time Tina has existed as an ‘iperson’  ~ Tina Cortina born 2002!

It’s not a total surprise to me, but something of a bombshell for my wife.  In the course of the last 8 or 9 years, my wife has been supportive on the basis that the kids don’t find out.  She has told only one other friend (Cathy who was fine about it) but we took the decision not to tell the kids, and more specifically not to take any unnecessary risks.  Well we did try, but clearly it was unsuccessful.

I’s a great shame because in other circumstances, I would be writing a blog about my youngest, who recently qualified as a Nurse (see Hats Off post).  After qualifying  last year, she got her first job at a hospital about 70 miles away, but had decided during her studies that she preferred Community Nursing to Hospitals. So even since starting this new post just a few months ago, she has always kept an eye open for other opportunities.  On Monday, she interviewed for a job that she really wanted about 12 miles from our home and within an hour of interview heard she had got it.  It may take a while, and her intention would be to get a flat-share with a friend locally, but the likelihood is that she will be coming back for a few months at least.  Monday night celebrating, wahay, big time!!  Being dutiful Dad, I drove her to the pub and picked her up with a friend; she was somewhat pie-eyed.

When we got home, I went up to bed.  My wife stayed up and at some point established that daughter had a problem, which under pressure, she eventually revealed.  The problem being that ‘she was concerned that she was returning to a house where her father was a tranny’.  I think the point had been re-inforced earlier that night when she went into the home pc, and apparently my account was open and she saw a Messenger window featuring Tina.

A long night ensued.  My wife spoke to her for an hour or so.  I got up to find the two of them upset.  I did get to speak to my daughter alone, but it was difficult (as she was very pie-eyed, lol).  Over several hours I didn’t get much more than ‘she wasn’t stupid’, ‘she had seen something on the computer (funny photos) in the past’ and the messenger screen that night, and that she’d discussed it with her sister.  I stayed up till 3, she seemed Ok and subsequently we have swopped texts, ‘don’t worry, everything Ok, it was just such a shock to be talking about it’.

I do come at it from a different angle than my wife.  My main concern would be that she might be considering a flat-share with another person rather than come home for a longer period.  Any of my kids would be most welcome to stay at our house for as long as they liked;  I would temper that to ‘within reason’ only because I would like to encourage them to make good on their own.  If she comes home, then of course I would not in any way want her to feel uncomfortable.

A second point is that when at home she had heard arguments between my wife and I (we have a fractious relationship but for the most part thrive on it), and that she had assumed that it was about my dressing.  Which for the most part is just not true.  I’m not saying we have never argued about the boundaries, but I would not be doing what I do now without the tacit agreement of my wife.

So anyway, that daughter has since gone back to Bournemouth.  The 2 daughters have been on the phone to each other and both have since spoken with A-M my wife ~ I have so far only swopped texts.  It seems my eldest daughter saw some photos in a bedside drawer, maybe 7 or 8 years ago  – they were probably my first make-over photos from 2002.  At the time she would have been at University.  Apparently she felt bad for several months but shared the confidence with her boyfriend (who she subsequently married) but has since (apart from discussing with younger daughter) kept quiet about it ~ so far as I can gather.

No-one knows if my son knows (he’s 28);  and eldest daughter has advised about telling him.  I won’t say anything to him because my wife would not like it, but heh, I think he is the most like me, so would hear it, take it on-board and move on. That’s life.

So there we are.  My wife upset ~ I can understand that she never wanted to discuss these topics with her kids.  Even more so, she would be worried about others finding out (but then if the 2 daughters have kept it private this long, it is unlikely to spread through them).

How do I feel?  Well, I’m concerned that my wife gets through this, but she is a strong person and I am sure that she will.  She took the decision a long time ago to encourage but control it.  But that has included lots of Christmas and Birthdays and times in between for receiving clothes from her.  Lot’s of shared good times when we have been out and about and a week and a bit from now on Saturday we are out, the two of us + another good friend Penny Rusham, to the theatre in London ‘Priscilla of the Desert; Two weeks after that there is a possibility of me going to Brighton and she hasn’t vetoed that so far;  in fact we have discussed it since, so I am optimistic that I might be going.

I look forward to talking to my girls, without embarrassment. I won’t force the subject on them even now, but I will make it plain that I am happy and open to discussing any aspect; that I did not hide it from them for any bad reason;  that I am the same person they have always known and loved and I love them too.  Hopefully that will be enough.

The picture above.  Well I think my wife bought me most of what I am wearing, except perhaps the shoes ~ she does care about me.

Should I worry that they might be reading this?  Well no.  I have always been well aware that a google search would reveal this blog.  I have written over 80 blogs all published here since starting on Yahoo360.  Would I re-write anything if I knew people I knew were reading?  Not a bit of it.

Finally, if you are within a vaguely similar position.  If you have computer savvy kids, the chances are that they know.

Hugs & take the best of care everyone

TinaCortina xx

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January 26, 2011 - Posted by | musings of a tgirl, other/ family | , , , , , , , , , , ,

18 Comments »

  1. Tina

    We too have three children, in our case 3 daughters, 23,20 and 17 The eldest found out the day after her 21st birthday and 5 months before I told my wife. I believe the other two know as well but have like our eldest, chosen to ignore the fact and get on with life.

    My wife and I go away regularly leaving our youngest. If she looked she would find all sorts of indicators such as my shoes (size 8) my wife takes 4s, clothes – mine are 18 tops, 14 bottoms whilst my wife is a 14 top 10 bottom.

    When the girls are home from University, you can often find 5 different bra sizes in the washing!

    My original downfall was also the computer.

    my daughters comment “Dad who’s this random woman on your computer” still haunts me

    Reading your blog, I do believe you will be ok and I look forward to hearing more positive news from you soon.

    Take care,

    Love Emma xx

    Comment by Emma Walkey | January 27, 2011 | Reply

    • Hi Emma
      As I said on Facebook, we are in a similar situation and yet you only find this sort of thing out when you write on a public blog. Thanks for your good wishes. I am sure we will pull through OK, but it is certainly an eye opener.

      Hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | January 27, 2011 | Reply

  2. Hi Tina,

    My heart goes out to you all. I so hope every thing turns out ok in the end, and the new status quo that arises is to your and A-M’s delight.

    Thank you for your tale.

    Hugs and best wishes, Anna x

    Comment by Anna Arendt | January 27, 2011 | Reply

    • Hi Anna, no doubt you will hear more in the fullness of time. Keep you eyes an ears open!! Hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | January 27, 2011 | Reply

  3. Wow what a surprise I hope it all works out for you. It is always good to only put on line what you would not mind anyone reading. I have always wondered if someone I know reads my blog or sees my pictures I post so I am always careful as to what I post.
    It will be interesting to hear how things go with your daughters. It would be so great if they came to accept this part of you. Good luck.
    Hugs
    Susan

    Comment by susanmiller64 | January 27, 2011 | Reply

    • Hi Susan, Yes,we all need to be careful, but I don’t think you would ever have a problem, because like me, your pics and your blogs are all very tasteful.

      In honesty I don’t really think the issues will get discussed much. Although one may be back temporarily to stay, we would otherwise only see them on holidays or the occasional weekend up or back. So it would be easy just not to bring the subject up. I won’t force it on them but if they want to talk about it I would be delighted.

      Hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | January 27, 2011 | Reply

  4. Hey Tina,

    I hope everything turns out fine for you and your family. But I’m sure it will. You cannot travel the road of life as a transgendered person without hitting a bump now and then. Now and then being quite regularly. But, if there’s love involved then you will recover from these bumps and if you had such a supportive wife so far then I’m sure you’ll both get over this. It’s a huge shock for your daughters but once they learn the true nature of you instead of linking crossdressing with filth ‘n’ smut they will surely accept you for what you are. It’ll take time but it will be alright. You probably know this but I guess you could use some mental support right now.

    Love,
    Fe

    Comment by Felicity | January 27, 2011 | Reply

    • Hi Fe,thanks for stopping by. I am sure that you are right. My point is that they have ‘known’ for years and so far as I can tell it hasn’t affected their feelings to me. On the other hand, maybe the fact they did not raise it was because they felt uncomfortable diuscussing such issues. I am sure it will get discussed sometime, but won’t be a mnajor factor to them. I certainly won’t be stepping out of the wood-work as Tina Hugs xx

      Comment by TinaCortina | January 27, 2011 | Reply

  5. Totally unrelated but gorgeous pic! I hope I can still look that hot later on in life.

    Comment by Felicity | January 27, 2011 | Reply

    • Why thank you!! I shall certainly take that as a big compliment!! hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | January 27, 2011 | Reply

  6. Hi Tina
    One of those rollercoaster posts. I can appreciate how complex these new reveleations (or not so new) have impacted you and your wife. I don’t feel at all qualified to really say much about it. I do somehow feel from all that you have shared that it will actually be OK. I truly hope so. I think a bit of time to adjust and time for your wife to feel secure. It seems you have already coped with so many changes and adjustments over the years that this may be one more. I do feel for you both and of course your children. I think you are doing all the right things by wanting to keep in touch and keep all lines of communication open to your girls and your wife. As I said I have no qualificiations to offer this advise but please know it just comes from my heart for you and the rest of your family.

    I am thinking of you
    Hugs Helen xx

    Comment by Helen Chapel | January 27, 2011 | Reply

    • Hi Helen, many thanks for your thoughts.

      In my mind its an age thing. The older ones are worried about everyone finding out. The younger girls have it to come.

      Those that are married with grown up kids were not brought up with the internet and certainly had no idea there were so many others out there, back when we were young. Although we do our bit to educate the wider public, we know that our kids are likely to be uncomfortable about us,at the very least, so we strive to avoid them finding out.

      At the other end of the age spectrum we have the younger girls, with or without partner, thinking about how they are going to integrate this side of themselves, with a new or exisiting partner, for the rest of their lives, when kids arrive etc.

      It is not easy for any of us.

      Thanks for passing by

      Hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | January 27, 2011 | Reply

  7. In a way it is for the better that family get to know and it must be somewhat of a relief for you not having to hide away so much. As transgendered people we sometimes forget that what we do has an effect on family and loved ones. Their perception of you will have taken somewhat of a wallop but more than that it gives them a sense of insecurity and what their friends might think. I think it is harder for family than for those who are transgendered. When I began to dress seriously, with a mind to fully transition, I did not want my two sons finding out at that point in their lives when they were studying for A levels and University qualifications. I was going to tell them later but I got caught coming home fully dressed one night by my eldest son who often stayed up till three in the morning! I therefore had to come out to him then but left it a few months whilst my youngest son was cramming for his exams. My wife already knew. It is better if you have an understanding partner of course but it must be tempered with lots of consideration for their feelings. Although my wife accepted me she didn’t want to see me dressed. We divorced four years after my operation but not because of my transition. It had been on the cards for quite a few years. Now we go out dining together and we have been on two holidays abroad together. How things change! I think all will be well with you too Tina when all the dust has settled. You may find that in the future your family will amaze you! Love

    Shirley Anne xxx

    Comment by Shirley Anne | January 27, 2011 | Reply

    • Hi Shirley Anne,

      I think you talk an awful lot of sense there. I agree that it can be tough on family. They wonder what it might mean, whether there will be big change ahead, even if not it is something they have to deal with.

      I am glad that things worked out in your family to your liking. I know the boys still come back so thats cool and staying together with your ex-wife is really quite special.

      Thanks for your good wishes. No doubt I shall blog again when indeed the dust has settled.

      Hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | January 27, 2011 | Reply

  8. Atleast your children are all adults and will be largely engrossed in their own lives and making their own way in the world. Personally, I think you should discuss with your wife about telling your son, so he doesn’t hear second hand from your daughters. I always felt with passing on information to children (regardless of age) is to keep it simply and don’t go into great detail, other than to say that if they have any concerns, worries or questions, then you will answer them to the best of your ability. Then let it lie, you are entitled to your life as much as they are entitled to theirs. 🙂 xx Karry

    Comment by karry ann | February 6, 2011 | Reply

    • Hi Karry, We are pretty certain that the girls at the present time would not want to discuss it with him. He may know independently, after all he is the most PC-savvy of the 3, but as with the other 2 he has his own flat and who knows what he and his gf get up to? Thats his life and he has shown no signs of knowing about Tina. So we think we will leave it like that and deal with it if it ever crops up in the future x

      Comment by TinaCortina | February 7, 2011 | Reply

  9. I am so happy with you as i reading story and comments,All you ladies are wonderul open person and always found perfect solution with family . and wife support . Woman iin me Sasa need a lot of time to came out ,she dont have wife support she dont like m ein woman lingere or more ,,,as i dont told her what i wish to b.. so me Sasa stayonly in lingere (iam 53full now and 45 years in woman world …) but sasa in me must explored one day .. ,,on account to divorce one s wife … hugs for all you sweet ladies,girls

    Comment by hosesasa | November 29, 2012 | Reply

    • HI, Sasa, sorry to take so long to reply> I hope you find a way t stay with your wife and get the support you need. Thanks for your comment, Hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 21, 2013 | Reply


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