TinaCortina's Blog

Musings of a Tgirl

I’m not really a woman!

Well I know that is really quite obvious to most, but sometimes I try.  Most of it is dressing up and making up, and just getting in the mood.  When you dress feminine, it is very true that your personality changes.

Your voice may not change, but what come out of it does.  At least that is what my wife has told me on many an occasion.

Several times in the last few weeks my wife has ‘invited me’ to dress as Tina at home.  For regular readers you will understand that I try not to push the boat too much.  I dress alone occasionally.  I sometimes go out alone, mostly in the evenings, occasionally during the day.  We get out together for an evening, even a weekend maybe half a dozen times a year. Hopefully we have reached a sensible consensus.

Anyway, last time she’d asked me, Saturday, she said let’s eat in the lounge and watch ‘Strictly Come Dancing’  (Dancing with the Stars, I think for any american readers).  As it happens most of it had finished by the time we ate, but I am sure we found something else suitably girly to watch.  My wife thinks I am more malleable when dressed,  That I will watch more things that she likes.  Sometimes we sit down to a romcom, or cooking programmes.  I watch these when as my male alter ego too, but she thinks I’m more easily persuaded when dressed as Tina, which is perhaps true.

Part of it I am sure is that I feel more feminine and I genuinely do like curling up together on the couch (normally I sit in my man chair!) and I enjoy so many more things that I may normally miss.  Not to say that I’m especially macho as a guy.  I enjoy sports, and dramas especially detectives (Wallender is a favourite at the moment) but I like Fashion TV and Come Dine with me too.  And I have to like Location, Location, Location and all the ‘lets move house’ type of Tv programmes.

But back to my theme. Tonight my wife wanted to talk about ‘worries’.  You know the thing.  Woman’s medical stuff, men would call them Women’s problems.  I’d like to think I have some understanding and not some little empathy.  She is my wife.  I love her.  She is my best friend.  And here she is trying to share her worries about a forthcoming ‘event’.

The specific ‘worries’ are important, but not something it is necessary to talk about here.  They are the things that Women may often talk about together, that Men don’t or never want to understand.

Men always have a short attention span when discussing such things and in this I don’t think I was much better.  I failed her, even in her need of a feminine listener.  I even at one point said ‘why don’t you discuss this with your sister?’

I recognised immediately that I shouldn’t have said this.  I tried to rescue the situation and did try to be more empathetic and less practical.  We even managed to end the discussion by moving onto something else, which I would normally deem a success.

But my mind is not that of a women.  I didn’t really understand what it is that she wanted from me.  She was only being a bit emotional and needing to discuss this with someone who understood.  She felt that there were not too many others that she could have had this conversation with. And surely, as her lifelong partner, as her empathetic husband that has these supposedly strong feminine qualities I should have done better.

I should have been honoured that she wanted to discuss these issues with me, that she felt able.  But I failed miserably. Worse certainly that nearly all women would have coped and I wonder if not a few men would have done better.

I thought afterwards, I wonder if I would have been any better if I had been Tina that night.  But that is unfair on Tina.  Yes her personality may be slightly different, reacting differently to a wife that has gone out of her way to allow her husband to dress.  But the intelligence is the same.  If I couldn’t cope as my male self, then surely I couldn’t cope as Tina.

I am not a Woman.  I have never tried to be nor want to be.  There are so many attributes about women that I love and admire but I recognise myself for what I am.  I’m a tranny/crossdressser. I like to play at it.  It’s not serious.  I cannot profess to be a women.  I never will be.

My wife will be thankful, but not tonight.

Have a nice evening and if you have been, thanks for reading.

Hugs TinaCortina xx

October 19, 2010 Posted by | musings of a tgirl | , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments