TinaCortina's Blog

Musings of a Tgirl

I’m not really a woman!

Well I know that is really quite obvious to most, but sometimes I try.  Most of it is dressing up and making up, and just getting in the mood.  When you dress feminine, it is very true that your personality changes.

Your voice may not change, but what come out of it does.  At least that is what my wife has told me on many an occasion.

Several times in the last few weeks my wife has ‘invited me’ to dress as Tina at home.  For regular readers you will understand that I try not to push the boat too much.  I dress alone occasionally.  I sometimes go out alone, mostly in the evenings, occasionally during the day.  We get out together for an evening, even a weekend maybe half a dozen times a year. Hopefully we have reached a sensible consensus.

Anyway, last time she’d asked me, Saturday, she said let’s eat in the lounge and watch ‘Strictly Come Dancing’  (Dancing with the Stars, I think for any american readers).  As it happens most of it had finished by the time we ate, but I am sure we found something else suitably girly to watch.  My wife thinks I am more malleable when dressed,  That I will watch more things that she likes.  Sometimes we sit down to a romcom, or cooking programmes.  I watch these when as my male alter ego too, but she thinks I’m more easily persuaded when dressed as Tina, which is perhaps true.

Part of it I am sure is that I feel more feminine and I genuinely do like curling up together on the couch (normally I sit in my man chair!) and I enjoy so many more things that I may normally miss.  Not to say that I’m especially macho as a guy.  I enjoy sports, and dramas especially detectives (Wallender is a favourite at the moment) but I like Fashion TV and Come Dine with me too.  And I have to like Location, Location, Location and all the ‘lets move house’ type of Tv programmes.

But back to my theme. Tonight my wife wanted to talk about ‘worries’.  You know the thing.  Woman’s medical stuff, men would call them Women’s problems.  I’d like to think I have some understanding and not some little empathy.  She is my wife.  I love her.  She is my best friend.  And here she is trying to share her worries about a forthcoming ‘event’.

The specific ‘worries’ are important, but not something it is necessary to talk about here.  They are the things that Women may often talk about together, that Men don’t or never want to understand.

Men always have a short attention span when discussing such things and in this I don’t think I was much better.  I failed her, even in her need of a feminine listener.  I even at one point said ‘why don’t you discuss this with your sister?’

I recognised immediately that I shouldn’t have said this.  I tried to rescue the situation and did try to be more empathetic and less practical.  We even managed to end the discussion by moving onto something else, which I would normally deem a success.

But my mind is not that of a women.  I didn’t really understand what it is that she wanted from me.  She was only being a bit emotional and needing to discuss this with someone who understood.  She felt that there were not too many others that she could have had this conversation with. And surely, as her lifelong partner, as her empathetic husband that has these supposedly strong feminine qualities I should have done better.

I should have been honoured that she wanted to discuss these issues with me, that she felt able.  But I failed miserably. Worse certainly that nearly all women would have coped and I wonder if not a few men would have done better.

I thought afterwards, I wonder if I would have been any better if I had been Tina that night.  But that is unfair on Tina.  Yes her personality may be slightly different, reacting differently to a wife that has gone out of her way to allow her husband to dress.  But the intelligence is the same.  If I couldn’t cope as my male self, then surely I couldn’t cope as Tina.

I am not a Woman.  I have never tried to be nor want to be.  There are so many attributes about women that I love and admire but I recognise myself for what I am.  I’m a tranny/crossdressser. I like to play at it.  It’s not serious.  I cannot profess to be a women.  I never will be.

My wife will be thankful, but not tonight.

Have a nice evening and if you have been, thanks for reading.

Hugs TinaCortina xx

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October 19, 2010 - Posted by | musings of a tgirl | , , , , , , , , ,

27 Comments »

  1. Oh Tina, What a wonderfully open discussion! I agree with so much. You are exceptionally lucky with AM. My situation has gone way down hill and there is almost no chance of my feminine alter ego ever resurfacing. I have to just think of it as a pleasant past memory. I did enjoy our few days out but it all seems a lifetime ago and you may not even remember them. Antonia

    Comment by antonia packenham | October 20, 2010 | Reply

    • Hello Antonia

      Long time no see, and thanks for visiting. Of course I rememember our outings in Folkestone, tea at the Grand included. Yes I do count myself lucky to be having this conversation with my wife but I was really examining my own motives for dressing and whether I really had feminine qualities whether dressed or not. Sorry to hear about your own situation.

      Take care
      Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 22, 2010 | Reply

  2. A very thought-provoking post, Tina. Thank you!

    I realize that my character – the things that interest or bore me, my emotional reactions, etc – were well formed by the time I married in my early 20’s. This includes my ability (infuriating ability, says my wife) to appear interested in what she says but not listen to a word of it.

    But is ‘being Angie’ changing any of this? Perhaps in a small way it is as I have the incentive to develop common interests such as knitting and reading soppy novels, but it’s a very gradual process. And I do show more interest in her various ailments than hitherto but perhaps that’s only because we’re both growing older, so every medical condition that worries her I can match with one of my own!

    Hugs,
    Angie

    Comment by Angela Davis | October 20, 2010 | Reply

    • Hi Angie

      I’ve always wondered if Transexuals read the soppy novels you mention rather than traditional mens novels. It reminds me of Norman Tebbitt’s definition of an Englishman, that you had to support them at cricket…..

      I wonder if Charing Cross has ever tried the book test, (joke!)…….

      Hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 22, 2010 | Reply

  3. Hi Tina,

    My heart goes out to you both. Don’t grieve about a lost moment too long – cover it with all the affection for A-M that you undoubtedly have.

    Hugs Anna x

    Comment by Anna Arendt | October 21, 2010 | Reply

    • Hi Anna

      You are quite right.

      Of course me being me, I would have forgotten it already if I hadn’t written it down. But then I wouldn’t have any ‘t girl musings’ then, and I’d like to think, that my life is richer because of them.

      Hugs
      Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 22, 2010 | Reply

  4. The first part was very recognizable. I had not encountered such a moment with my partner though as she is not that receptive towards my other me. Is this perphaps what you mean by fall-out? Negative events coming from the fact that she opened herself up towards Tina?
    Totally unrelated now, but you are a beautiful woman. You look very passable, you dress as a woman as opposed to a tranny. And your posture and smile complete the picture.

    Love,
    Felicity

    Comment by Felicity | October 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Hi Felicity,

      Thanks for coming to visit.

      I answered your first point on your own blog; that I was hoping that the ‘fall-out’ ie the result of your partner being there at your make-over would be positive (not negative!).

      Wow, I’m very humbled by your comments, but do bear in mind that as every good tranny should do, I take lots of pics and publish only what I consider to be the best! I do try to dress as women do. If you are a tgirl and want to go out the first rule is to ‘dress down’, smart but casual and nothing that calls too much attention. At the same time, I have developed a certain style which is copied from and often aided by my wife, so I am doubly lucky.

      Of course our main problem (by comparison to real women) is that we don’t wear jeans enough!!

      Hugs
      Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 22, 2010 | Reply

  5. That was almost my very first thought, on the day I came out to myself and my GP – as I walked away from the doctors – that I could wear girl jeans as a part of my feminine wear. It only lasted about as long as it took to walk home and face Jay – 7 minutes – LoL.

    You look good in Jeans I’ve noticed.

    Hugs Anna x

    Comment by Anna Arendt | October 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks Anna, you really are too kind!!

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 22, 2010 | Reply

  6. Your honesty is appreciated. The way I see it, it doesn’t seem to matter if you were Tina, or A-M’s husband. You are simply a friend to her at that moment.

    I observed that women (like me 🙂 REALLY like to talk. We vent out a lot. I learned too that it can be frustrating for their men not to be able to help. Most of the time though, we just feel a lot better when someone listens to us. And you are there for her, no matter what happens. That is what counts. She is blessed that way 🙂
    – Anna

    Comment by writersdelight | October 22, 2010 | Reply

    • Hi Anna2

      I guess it was something of the frustration I felt that led me to blog on this topic in the first place. Yes, I know that (generalities) women like to talk and men (have) to listen, but I was trying to explore whether the edges are blurred in the transgendered community. But either way, I do try to offer support when needed.

      Thanks for the comment.

      Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 23, 2010 | Reply

  7. Tina,

    Very interesting post; I can certainly relate.

    But, you don’t give yourself enough credit. The first thing to note is that you wanted to do better. That puts you outside the scope of the vast majority of men. You didn’t pick up your eyeliner that first day and do a perfect job either, did you?

    We are not women – and maybe we will never be able to converse as women do (maybe we never will actually want to enough) – but we do have a feminine side and our SOs appreciate that. And, I am not sure that you’d have behaved the same as Tina. Maybe not perfect, but not the same. You yourself said as much at the beginning of your post.

    Finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t congratulate you on your closing line – short but full of meaning – brilliant in every way.

    Comment by cdjanie | October 24, 2010 | Reply

    • Hi Janie

      It’s been interesting to hear the reactions of a wide variety of tgirls and one genuine lady (thanks Anna2!).

      I think I may again take up the topic and explore a little further. What interests me in particular is to what extent tgirls have feminine traits and how much the personality changes when dressed.

      I’d like to be able to claim ownership of the tag line ‘if you have been, thanks for reading’,

      …….but basically its my take on the brilliant John Ebdon BBC Radio4 broadcaster of the past. He used to start his broadcasts with @how do you do?’ and finish his trawl around the archives with ‘if you have been, thanks for listening’.

      Very English!

      I use it quite a lot and I think I once attributed it (in an earlier blog) to Alastair Cooke’s ‘Letters From America’ ~ equally brilliant, but I used to love the sound of both of their voices…….Anyway, glad you like it!

      Many thanks for visiting and taking the time to comment.

      Hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 24, 2010 | Reply

      • pps I still struggle with the eyeliner!!

        Comment by TinaCortina | October 24, 2010

  8. Yeah, me too. Who’d have thought we’d ever be spending time learning such things.

    BTW Tina, you had 2 great closing lines… “My wife will be thankful, but not tonight.” is also a terrific turn of phrase!

    Comment by cdjanie | October 24, 2010 | Reply

    • ahhh yes, that one did make me smile when I wrote it.

      There is something about the written form that is sometimes so tangible, it hurts!

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 24, 2010 | Reply

  9. Hi Tina,
    Just passing through but I thought there was a comment that I hadn’t seen made that to my mind was pretty significant. You tried. Ok, there was an element of self-satisfaction intended but you were there when needed as needed.
    Also, you felt it didn’t go well; have you discussed it afterwards? Maybe your partner took more from the moment than you did?
    Don’t assume your girly chat was a disaster. Don’t assume that your mind is male and doesn’t let you think as needed… we’re all conditioned in how to think from birth. it’ll take a while before Tina thinks as Tina wont it? It’s not biology, it’s conditioning 😉
    (I don’t think I said this how I planned to say it but then… that’s the point of the post!)
    I hope all works out for both of you.
    *hugs*

    Comment by exaxis | October 26, 2010 | Reply

    • Hello ‘Exasis’

      Thanks for visiting and taking the trouble to post a comment. Yes, I tried which is the most important thing and my wife, bless her realised that, I am sure, even if it might have gone better. At times we just have to learn to listen and give a shoulder to cry on.

      ps I love your art and your pics

      Hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 26, 2010 | Reply

  10. Hi Tina, in response to your question, yes I did read your post…LOL. I was touched by what you had written about who you are and who you are not. As a guy and one who loves his wife you could only act in response as you would normally do. Wearing clothes will not change who you are but you already know this. It may reveal certain aspects about yourself that you might not otherwise have known but your general personality remains the same. That is one of the fundamental differences between transvestites and transsexuals. You dress for fun and relaxation or to put it in your owns words ‘playing at it’. You are simply a guy and happy with it. One thing you can say about transsexuals is that they are only transsexuals whilst transitioning (or non-transitioning). Once they’ve had the op. they become physically the gender they were born as. Although you let slip out that your wife should speak with her sister about her worries it was said in an advisory way. You are right up to a point, speaking with another female will help her but all she really wanted from you was for you to listen and understand. You say you failed miserably, well maybe you did but it is never too late to change things so don’t be too hard on yourself. If you love each other so much and I am sure you do, you have the best base from which to start. Love
    Shirley Anne xxx

    Comment by Shirley Anne | October 26, 2010 | Reply

    • Hi Shirley Anne

      Did I ask that Q? Moi? Well thanks anyway!

      Thanks for your response. Yes, of course I have to count myself as a man wearing skirts, but I genuinely believe that it is more than that. Perhaps I only enjoy what I do because I have a strong feminine side.

      Wearing clothes will not change who I am, but I wonder if it will, on occasion change how I act. My wife tells me I am different. Some of this I accept, may be because of the gratitude I try to show her for ‘allowing’ me to dress, and other parts…. well I don’t know……perhaps in being more relaxed, I portray more feminine traits.

      It is something I want to explore further. Of course I accept that a TS even pre-op will feel ‘female’ full-stop. But I am still interested to know whether they by and large have more female hobbies than transvestites/crossdressers and clearly men…more female actions….more female emotions etc.

      For example, if we took a sample of the TS population (pre-op) and then post-op women, would there be many differences with genetically born women (forgive me if that is not the right term) and if so would they be explained by upbringing? I accept totally it is a difficult area, as what constitutes a women. Taking that a step further, are the likes of I (being a tranny) on a different point of a straight line graph, between macho men and femimine women?

      I am sure that academics (far more able than I) have explored these issues, if not the more poplular books. And I am guessing that you are quite well read ont the subject. If you can point me towards some interesting links on the net, that might be a next step.

      Bets regards

      Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | October 26, 2010 | Reply

      • Hi people,
        I’m commenting here as something of a visitor; I’m afraid I can’t tick the box properly as a CD, TG or any other recognised minority.
        Having said that, I am very aware of not being 100% “normal” in the public sense of the word LOL. I am something that is probably more common than is acknowledged… I’m a guy who knows he’s not what he’s expected to be.
        And the point of my post?
        I think everyone at different times has moments when their mind can be male, can be female, can be both and can be neither.
        I have times when I want to read, cuddle, weep and talk…. I have times when I want to watch tele, play the playstation or simply bonk. There are times I can watch Streetdance or Billy Elliot and there are times I can watch Expendables or Terminator. There are times I want to fight for an arguement and times I want to cry and win the battle that way 😉
        Who we are is not the same from that moment to this… is that just me? Sometimes I am She, Sometimes I am He; always I am me.
        (and I tend to talk too much when it is not required. Sorry people *hugs*)

        Comment by exaxis | October 26, 2010

      • Thanks for your thoughts, which are most welcome.

        As you say, none of us can claim to be the same personality all of the time, but I have wondered how much personality can be inflenced by the clothes we wear, in the same way as you personality traits might be affected by going to a football match with a group of mates. I was going to use an example of dressing smartly for work but then realise that suits are almost out of most private business these days and has it changed anything? not a jot. So the argument works both ways. There is no one answer. But it is fun to get a little introspective and think about. This is why I entitle my blog ‘musings’.

        Hugs Tina x

        Comment by TinaCortina | October 27, 2010

      • Hi Tina. Yes it has to be said that wearing the clothes does in fact make you act differently and react differently in some ways. In my reply I was referring to personality which I think doesn’t change no matter how you dress. It is true to say that transsexuals (females for the sake of this argument) are at a disadvantage over their natal sisters because they haven’t had quite the same upbringing. They have struggled with complying with a gender which is alien to them and do it half-heartedly. I think this is one of the worse things any transsexual has to endure in life. Once out, they have much catching up to do. The older one transitions the more difficult it is I feel. That said though many transsexuals act very femininely throughout their childhood and the physical change they make in later life has little effect on them. Others will find a release after the operation that liberates them in terms of mannerisms and the way they present to others. Everyone is different of course. I am not sure about hobbies and things when it comes to pre-op, post-op or natal women compared to males but I would guess that the transsexual would be more orientated toward female pastimes generally speaking. That’s not true for everyone as you know, many girls like doing ‘boy’ things and vice-versa.
        You flatter me. I am not THAT well read on these subjects having only read things here and there. I’ve probably forgotten most of what I’ve read in the past….LOL. Hey! It’s my age you know…I’m past my sell-by date. My shelf-life has expired. Love and hugs

        Shirley Anne xxx

        Comment by Shirley Anne | October 27, 2010

  11. Hi Shirley Anne

    Age? I wouldn’t ask a lady her age. That is not polite. Sell-by date. Haven’t those been replaced by best-before dates and I couldn’t comment on that, Lol! You make me smile; that’s good.

    Thank you for posting again on what must be my most thought provoking post. Certainly the most comments!

    I agree with much of what you say. Certainly that transexuals have not been ‘nurtured’ to act in a feminine way from birth, even though they may recognise that they feel wrong from a young age.

    I accept also that either sex may lean towards the full spectrum of hobbies and interests. Even so, there is a strong bias, and on personal observation, I would have thought literary bias ie the type of books women read is one of the strongest. Perhaps I could put a poll together.

    But on my central point, you tend to agree that Tina and P (thats my other half of my alter ego) have the same personality but different reactions (or personaility traits?). Which is what I tend to think, but I’m still confused as to the point at which one personality becomes two. After-all I am a Gemini (balderdash!).

    I’ve loving these follow-ups to the blog. I guess I’ve plenty of material for the next one.

    In the meantime, we are off to Magic Theatre at the Rivoli Gardens on Saturday. My wife is getting nervous about it and I have to find a way to diffuse her nerves.

    Thanks again for passing by.

    Hugs Tina x

    Comment by TinaCortina | October 27, 2010 | Reply

  12. Great post, Tina!

    Kisses! KM

    Comment by brucekrystynam | December 6, 2010 | Reply

    • Hi Krystyna Marie

      Thanks for the visit & compliment!

      Hugs Tina x

      Comment by TinaCortina | December 6, 2010 | Reply


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