TinaCortina's Blog

Musings of a Tgirl

It’s all a question of balance

It’s 5 years I think since I began to ‘dress’ in public;

I remember I had had a make-over the previous year (Pandora dePledge); I’d spent the day in and out of 3 or 4 different outfits, I remember not being able to breathe in a corset so tight but I was still told ‘tighter, it has to be tighter’. But my over-riding memory is that I didn’t look at all like me. I thought ‘I do look femme – my mother wouldn’t recognise me’.

After that I visited Barbara in Folkestone – an evening party, a group of girls that got together just for a chat and a social. Barbara was great, so relaxed ~ she did my make-up that time for next to nothing. She was and is a true saint. A real lady with a history in theatre make-up, someone that does make-overs and parties for us girls for the love of it. I was pleased to see that the party wasn’t even a tiniest bit grubby. I was so pleased I invited my wife for the next one a month later.

The rest they say is history.

Since then we’ve explored my feminine side in some detail.

I can’t say it hasn’t bothered her, my wife. She likes her husband. While not exactly a hunk (my words!), I’m 6ft, love sports, run my own company and have been told I wear a suit well! She too is successful in business, a director in her own right and wear a suit (skirt or trousers!) better than I do. We’ve been married 27 years and she knows what she likes about me so its been a mega journey to get to where we are now and still have an understanding.

Yes we argue about Tina sometimes, but then we argue about a lot of things. We are different and we have to accept that our marriage has thrived on that difference. We have built some of our social life around the tranny scene – it changed some things about us. We started going to clubs again; we started staying over in London more often ~ but then even though we have made good friends, Transmission doesn’t have quite the same appeal after the first half dozen times.

We’ve set limits. Some about the frequency we go out together together to Tranny events, meals, clubs, sparkle etc, some about how often I go out alone, and we’ve always had our evenings in together.

There is a natural limit to how often you do some of these things. We don’t dress when my daughter is around. My wife won’t travel with Tina, and she wouldn’t go shopping with me or just to go to the pub with me, but …….we can leave a hotel room together, drink in the bar below, take a taxi to meet others in a restaurant or club. London is so cosmopolitan anything goes, and Manchester is much the same in certain areas. I get out alone occasionally. A shopping trip or a trip down to Folkestone to see Barbie, the odd trip to London. I only feel the need about once a month but I’m not sure its even that.

Its all a question of balance (you know in those high heels!!).

Seriously, I don’t want to lose sight of my male persona. I don’t want to act any differently to ‘normal’ when dressed as a male, just because of the time I enjoy as my feminine self. It is true that I do shave my body or mostly use veet to keep it realtively hair free most of the time. I also grow my nails slightly longer than ‘most males’ do and granted this is longer than I did before. A-M doesn’t like either of these things. She likes her hairy male. She thinks I adopt femme mannerisms with longer nails.

But I don’t do either all the time. I am mindful of what she says, even if I don’t always do everything exactly as she might want.

I do hope she can recognise my femme side to my male persona as being non macho ……..or the competitive side to my male nature as my efforts to compensate for that generally non macho image. We neither are at the extremes of the gender divide. But I am sure that this explains much of the attraction between us. Well I hope so. I mean the pluses outweigh the minuses from my point of view and she is still here with me, she has supported Tina, even encouraged her. Although she gets frustrations sometimes (well I can be a pain in the neck and we are both too stubborn to give in easily….) I genuinely believe that she benefits from having Tina around and there are times when she wants Tina around.

Did I really say that? Well I know I think it often, I do wonder if it is true. Is it just tranny speak for being selfish. I know all the gg’s say we are all selfish, all up our own a**e, what with the photos, organising this/that/the other, chatting on-line, setting up blogs etc.

But we do what we do because we think of our femme side a lot, even when we are not dressing.

It is a balancing act. Playing at two characters, both essentially the same but tugging in different directions.

Last w/e lovely, a trip to jewelers to get A-M’s wedding ring widened; cinema to see what is really just a chick-flick, Music & Lyrics ~ this was really good, I recommend it. Next w/e a trip to London. We’ve a wine tasting in the afternoon – a xmas pressie from my son. Later an evening out with our son and his girlfriend, just the four of us – lovely.

The Contrast. Knowing that opportunities might be limited, Tina was invited to dinner last night. The chance to wear a valentine gift from A-M, a beaded wrist bracelet and necklace, (you just get a glimpse in the pic!) a slither of Givenchy perfume, so I smelt good. We had a little tension in the evening/ but heh life is like that.

What was important was that the beginning was perfect and the end perfect~

…….a perfect balancing act!

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February 20, 2007 - Posted by | musings of a tgirl | , , , , , , , ,

3 Comments »

  1. Thank you, Tina, for a lovely blog entry. I agree with everything you say and I think we’re very similar, except that you get out and about en-femme a bit more than I do.

    Those of us with supportive wives have something of enormous value; something precious; something well worth looking after. I’m so grateful that my wife supports and encourages Angie in many different ways, but she also needs the husband she married 36 years ago. You’re right – it’s a matter of balance.

    Hugs,
    Angie

    Comment by Angie | February 20, 2007 | Reply

  2. Hi Tina

    I know EXACTLY what you mean by the question of balance. I am always wondering and checking with you know who about whether I’ve got it right. I guess the difficult thing that while we change, grow, become more experienced and want to try out more, our partners change as well. What was once a novel experience or even a form of social protest, may later become an burden and a pain.

    I try and keep a close record of how much I spend on femme things so as it doesn’t make an unncessary dent in the family (as of June) budget and I also try and keep the loved one fully informed of who I am writing to and what i am posting. but still there is no garauntee that we are moving in the same direction.

    It is all – as you say – a matter of balance….. or perhaps integration.

    Kathy

    Comment by Katherine W-P | February 23, 2007 | Reply

  3. You got it Tina, it is all about balance. Good for you!
    Peace
    Shari

    Comment by Shari Williams | March 26, 2007 | Reply


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