TinaCortina's Blog

Musings of a Tgirl

To Tell or Not to Tell?

A friend reading the last blog entry asked why I didn’t tell my daughter and have done with it ~ it got me thinking that I ought to attempt to do more than just relay a few outings, so let me get a little contemplative.

The point is ~ it’s a choice I’ve never felt I have had to make. My wife doesn’t want the kids to know, so therefore given and wanting her support, I’d be a fool to go against that, especially as there will come a time in the not too distant future when my youngest will have flown the roost to Uni. The other two are already departed.

As I’ve said in the past my wife Ann-Maria is very supportive, both in respect of occasional nights in, when the coast is clear, or going out to tg events ~ especially if other partners are involved eg next week we are off to the Big Night Out (at Pink Punters, in Milton Keynes).

Just as importantly, to me at least, we both recognise Tina is an important part of our lives and no related issues are off-topic. In fact we have a lot of fun chatting about the scene on an almost daily basis and often chat on messenger before I’ve left the office in Tina mode. Sorry I mean I’m signed-in in Tina mode not dressed at the office!!

Yesterday, I had a day off and made a day of it going out shopping in Folkestone. Its a 2+ hour drive but I enjoy the mix of driving enfemme with having to stop at petrol stations, stopping off at several places for shopping and visiting of friends. It gave me a chance to buy some Tina presents for Ann-Maria ~ swopping girly presents privately late on Christmas Eve has become very important to us and I always try to buy my Tina presents when dressed as Tina. I also had the chance to visit my friend (real lady) Barbara for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

Anyway, I wanted to leave the house dressed so had to slip out about 8:00 am. I knew my daughter did not need to get up to leave for college till late and anyway if she is up and about she makes a noise, so there really was no danger in creeping past her door. Fortunately she was out when I returned or I would have been forced to change back, which is not nice at the best of times but especially so in a car in the dark.

I was a little late back ~ I’d wanted to slip into a pub for a glass of wine, extending the day’s experiences; shopping, finding a coffee shop having a drink in a pub is all part of being out there. I don’t interface with the public a great deal but just enjoy being out and about. To my mind there is no way that I ‘pass’ but I find the public embrace you if you make an effort and all day long I had had only positive experiences.

Anyway, being a little late back led to an argument about the risks I take in being ‘found out’.

It about me leaving the house while dressed. A-M hates the idea of me getting caught, the kids knowing etc. I respect that and I think I am pretty careful all round, but not obsessionally so.

Leaving the house dressed in a quiet road with neighbours well set back and rarely there means its not a big issue to drive off. I do have personalised number plates, so perhaps someone might see me, but do I really care about that? If someone unknown, see me driving a car, I hope they would think it a woman! If they know me, well unless they bring it up with me, I would be none the wiser.

I’ve not told any friends, primarily because I don’t see I’ve anything to gain. My men friends are generally things I want to do guy things with. Mates that I play sport with or enjoy a beer. I am not TS and have no thoughts about making dressing anything more than an enjoyable ‘hobby’ for want of a better word. We rarely do the girly thing of discussing relationships and I think telling them would ‘for no reason’ would at best make things uncomfortable.

On the other hand, if someone saw me and where I live I don’t think it is a big chance, then I feel I would deal with it. I wouldn’t think it a big issue. I would have to explain myself and they would either accept me for it or not. So be it, c’est la vie, fate.

I am a little that way inclined with the kids. In a way, I am surprised that my daughter does not already know or suspect. Ok, we have separate accounts on the PC but she might easily have had access on occasion or seen ‘fuuny’ photos or links. She may not be nosey, but if she has ever looked in various drawers in our bedroom….and what about the extra double wardrobe in the spare room that is supposed to be full of A-M’s old clothes that she never wears or throws away.

In support of my wife, I try not to give anything away. But I would not see it as the end of the world if my daughter did find out. She is 17 yrs old and I am who I am.

Equally, I do see my wife’s point of view.

She thinks if they find out they then have issues. Would she tell her boyfriend, would she tell our other kids, would it spread around the whole of the family? Would it create problems for them? Would it affect ‘the relationship’ with Dad?’

But then I think, my darling Ann-Maria ~ you only think I’m a little bit weird and you have dealt with it. I expect even in loving me they already suspect I’m weird enough in plenty of ways and they are basically all adults now.

Hohum, it makes you think doesn’t it? Any comments are more than welcome!!!!

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December 1, 2006 - Posted by | musings of a tgirl | , , , , , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. Tina……I think your just perfect whatever and however, I send love and hugs Girl talk soon I hope :o) xx

    Comment by dodds | December 1, 2006 | Reply

  2. Tina

    I think that you want to be honest with your kids is very admirable, but for the reasons you listed plus A-M’s concerns, I think it is probably left to just you and A-M.

    I think if you can keep things seperate, you should (guy things with the guys and vice versa for the girls) because you said it yourself, what woul you gain by telling anyone else.

    Most people think it’s weird, but then would’nt the world be boring if we all did the same things, talked about the same things, and anything with an edge was off topic and not allowed. I think you should be able to say what you want, to whoever you want, so long as you are prepared for the potential repercussions.

    It sounds like you and A-m have a great thing going on…your daughter may suspect stuff but as she is so young, has many other things going on in her life…I bet she is’nt thinking about whether you are hiding something from her.

    You should enjoy being Tina, especially when you go outside…just be careful, lots nuts about!!

    Take care

    Rachel

    Comment by Rachel | December 5, 2006 | Reply

  3. Hi Tina,

    im here at last!! I think you are very lucky to have the support of A-M, and beacause of this, it is probably worthwhile keeping it from the kids, to keep the support from A-M. I think if they suspected or found out you would have to cross that bridge then, however maybe,(if you havn’t already) discuss what you would say to them, so that you both say the same thing if you see what i mean.

    Anyway, even if anyone did find out, you look great as a woman so hopefully they would think it was cool!!

    I think as for your men friends then, why should you tell them, we all have something we like to keep for ourselves im sure!

    you go girl!!

    Take care Tina
    Luv ‘n’ bubbles Gina xx

    Comment by gina | December 6, 2006 | Reply

  4. Hi Tina,

    I guess I am in a similar position but at the other end of the time scale. At the age of 44 I am about to become a parent. from what I have heard and from the stories I have read, there is a gap between about 5 and 15 when kids find it almost traumatic to find gender roles confused. Once past puberty and on reaching a certain intellectual maturity, most people can handle the idea that the gender of one person is not going to imapct their own personal gender identity.

    I am keeping my fingers crossed and hope that if the child is aware of me as TG from the very early on. If s/he is included in all that we do as a TG family then through this awareness s/he will understand.

    Vain hope?

    It does mean though that we will have to tell our immediate families very soon and so once the euphoria of the first born is out of the way the in-laws (and my outlaws) will have to brace themselves for a new thoroughly middle aged member of the family.

    But I can see where you are coming from. If the information comes out ‘naturally’ then that could be good because it does mean that you are not making a cause or an issue of being TG.

    Will look out for the next episode certainly and swap notes for the future.

    love ya

    Kathy
    xxxx

    Comment by Katherine W-P | January 15, 2007 | Reply


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